“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.”
-Madeline L’Engle, Walking on Water
When we live, we risk.
We risk losing when we love. We risk being rejected when we offer friendship. We risk looking foolish when we worship.
And we risk everything when we create.
A contemplative life provides space for the creative spirit—if we are willing to dig. Expose ourselves.
The digging is sometimes painful.
We are left vulnerable.
Yet vulnerability begets creativity.
We often think of children as being more vulnerable than adults. They need to be fed. Clothed. They need protection from cold. From danger. Yet in many ways…they are strong. Stronger than most of us.
They aren’t afraid.
If you watch a small child greet another person at the park, whether it is an adult or another child, you will note a willingness to love and a readiness to explore. You will find a softness—a vulnerability that doesn’t know the trappings of fear or the sting of rejection. The child plays, creates and moves with sheer abandon. No risks known, none to be feared.
Yet some how, over time…this softness turns. And the child at the park hardens. We harden. Eventually, we learn, that if we are open, accepting and passionate–we get hurt.
As we grow, sometimes we notice as we attempt to express or create– a disdainful look or gesture. We might hear a side comment. Maybe even blatant criticism. At some point, we all eventually become aware of what others are doing. And we follow suit.
And so it goes, we become…like everyone else. We play it safe. We do the right thing. The polite thing. We watch our backs. And we try not to make waves.
We lock down that which is prone to get hurt, damaged, or scarred.
Out of fear. And we harden our shell of vulnerability—that which is essential to the creative spirit.
When we harden, we lose our softness and receptivity for the joy of life. The essence of creativity. When we harden, vitality is lost, and our energy for creativity, for passion, and the spirit becomes trapped deep inside of us.
When we harden, we stop taking risks. A travesty.
The truth?
Creativity is expressed on a canvas of vulnerability. When we create, we are uncovering that which we have guarded—a very long time.
When we create we express that which lies deep within the spirit: And this requires risk.
To create is to look inside the mind and the soul and risk being disappointed. To create is to offer up oneself as a sacrifice to worth, to industry.
To create is to risk rejection.
And to create is to be alone for a while.
To be alone is to be vulnerable. For some, the idea of being still with one’s thought fears, passions and prayers is too frightening. It can be a daunting task to move toward the center of our souls –to soften, to relax enough to listen and to gaze deeply. So many of us don’t. We busy ourselves with work. With chores. With countless distractions.
Yet without this time of reflection, of looking within, we miss the opportunity to think, to ponder, and to retrieve vital memories. Most of all, our refusal to look inside deprives us of the joy of discovering the beauty that resides in the soul. The soul is a complex mosaic of emotion, thoughts, intellect and divinity–each one a unique work of art in itself. Gazing into the soul provides crucial information that becomes the backdrop of our canvas.
The beginning.
So dear one, allow me to hold your hand. Yes, it is frightening. But the years of lockdown are not serving you well. If you are to live each day with intention, with love, compassion. If you are to create again, your spirit must open. You must take a risk. If you are longing to find the sacred in every day, you must soften first, to yourself.
Look inside. You may need to give yourself permission.
When you do, you will observe the raw you: uncensored, perfect and true in all of your uniqueness. Beautiful. And when you do, you will take a deep breath and sit with what you see for a while. Resist the urge to shove it back down.
And when you are ready, grab your pen, your guitar, your voice, and begin. Visualize in your mind’s eye, running freely at the park when you didn’t care.
And turn your internal judge off. Completely. Be patient with yourself . Don’t stop until you get to the other side
And once you arrive there, say to yourself,
I am soft, I am free.
I am a creator.
